Surviving My Diet

Here in Diet Hell I’m looking for ways to pull through, to survive this horror show of low cal-ness. I buzzed around on line to see if anyone had tips. Some of what I found was helpful, such as:

• Keep a laser beam focus on my goal. This will help my floundering will.

Absolutely.

• Once a week weigh-ins.

I need to know if I'm making any progress so this is spot on. Seeing a pound or three drop would buoy my spirits, encouraging me to stay the course on this voyage to Svelte Land. Each night I think – tomorrow morning, first thing I'll step on Jen’s scale (mine's busted) or I'll zip over to the Y for a fast scale dance. Fear of no progress trips me up every damn day. This is, I suppose, the beauty of having a weight loss coach and/or partner. Tonight I'll ask Jen to put the scale in her kitchen. This way, tomorrow morning, pre-brekkie, I'll have no choice but to step up to the plate.

• I can indulge in low cal snacks like sugar-free Jell-O.

It's a weensy 10 calories per serving but ICK. If I’m going to indulge a sweet craving with something that's not CAKE, I can pop a perfectlyfree “frozen treat.” If I want actual versus ersatz ice cream, I can go up to 120 cal for one of Trader Joe's Mini Mint Ice Cream Mouthfuls.

• Cheat meals – no more than once a week. I’m free to indulge, to not be all Abstemious Abby at ONE meal per week.

Lovely idea but, afterward, my guilt soars. It yell/whines at me, You’ll never reach your goal weight if you don’t stop eating tempura, scallion pancakes and dub dun noodles! I cry back, But…but…I’ve been so good all week and I haven’t had tempura in a month! Guilt doesn’t give a shit and won’t let up. BASTARD! I haven’t had a cheat meal in a couple weeks. I’m overdo for indulgence (IF I can keep the Guilt Monster at bay).

• I should have an end date.

This is said to relieve the stress of dieting. I get it BUT I’m not done until I lose the heft. My calorie-per-day window is set such that I should reach Tranquility Base-weight by October. If I’m not there by then, I gotta keep going.

• MORE salad action.

I don’t really like dressing so I’m good, fab even, on this count. Here’s the thing though – I'm so cooking impaired that I can’t even make a decent salad. I am so NOT a kitchen goddess. I need to hit Trader Joe’s more often – like once a week. They’ve a variety of pre-made salads that look awesome and could see me through the week nicely.

If all else fails, I’ll just go to L.A. and have my consciousness dumped into a new bod. I’ll pick one that’s 5’10” (versus 5’4”), slender yet curvy (think Beyonce, Penelope Cruz, Salma Hayek). Whedon’s Dollhouse really exists doesn’t it? It does RIGHT?! That’s my ace in the hole, mes amis, it's got to!!!